I Am So Lucky

By Jeff Harding

In the last week I have won €5 million in various lotteries. In addition I have been found by lost relatives who have left me in excess of $25 million. To pile on the good luck, I have people who want to give me millions of dollars to do good things, or for me to engage in very lucrative business transactions with them without any risk to me.

Look at some of the fortunate things that have come my way via e-mail. Here are just a few examples:

It is obvious that this notification will come to you as a surprise but please find time to read it carefully as we congratulate you over your success in the following official publication of results of the E-mail electronic online Sweepstakes organized by Microsoft. … You have won in SPAIN an award of 750,000.00?.

Boy, was I surprised. I don’t remember signing up for these sweepstakes, but, it is Microsoft and you’ve got to trust Bill Gates. It makes sense to me that they would randomly give away money. They’ve got so much of it. I don’t know how much in US$ that 750,000? is, but it must be a lot.

We are pleased to inform you of the released results of the Microword Corporations Sweepstakes Promotionin conjunction with foundations for the promotion of software products organized for Software users. This Program was held on 12th April,2009, here in Valencia- Spain. Wherein your email address emerged as one of the online Winning emails in the 3rd category and therefore attracted a cash award of ?2,550,000.00 and a Toshiba laptop.

Another one. Wow. Microword must be a subsidiary of Microsoft. And since Microsoft is doing the other giveaway, it rings true. I wonder what the 1st category award was. I hope it’s a top of the line Toshiba.

I was also very pleased that I have been found by several lost relatives. I feel good about it because I can know I can only do good things for humanity with this money:

My sincere apology for this unsolicited letter to you, I am aware that this is certainly not a better way of approach to establish a relationship of trust, my name is Mr. Philip Gomez and my client died in air crash along with his family, he left a fortune in a security firm in Europe worth USD$4.7 Million, coined family valuables. I am on notice to provide a kin on oath to claim this entitlement. I am seeking for your consent to present you as the next of kin, since I have all the details for you to claim this fund for our sharing benefit. Note that this transaction is 100% risk free; there is no single risk connected to this business as I have worked out all modalities to complete the transaction successfully.

The guaranty makes me feel a lot better about Mr. Gomez. I wonder what “coined family valuables” are? I hope it is something valuable. He certainly will have my blessing to present me as next of kin as long as it’s risk free. I am dying to know who my lost relative is. I wonder how much “sharing benefit” Mr. Gomez wants? Probably not very much because we will have a relationship of trust.

My name is Joshua Bender. I am a dying man who have decided to donate the sum of $18m million dollars.) to you for the good work of the humanity. Please contact me via. Email: joshua_bender1950@yahoo.com.hk for details information’s on this noble project of mine Please note that I have WILLED $18m to you by quoting my personal reference number Ms/Jds/533/0018/HtrI/33ln/eg so that i can confirm that you actually received my email notice to you.

I will dedicate myself to his “noble project” with this generous inheritance. $18 million is a lot of money and I guess it comes to me tax free since it is an inheritance. Poor Joshua. I feel so bad that he is dying but I’m glad he heard about me. He must be a dedicated reader of this blog. He signed it, “Wasalaam, Joshua.” If you know of any worthy people who might benefit from Joshua’s largesse, please let me know. I’ll compile a list of these worthy individuals to distribute his money to them when I get it.

Then there are some really good business opportunities. Some of them, I must admit, tug at your heartstrings.

I want to move my family out of Iraq due to violence and I want to transfer $12,500,000 to you.reply.

This came from Jabouri Omar. His email actually was from “Joanne@***.net”. I wonder who Joanne is. Probably a go-between because of the danger he is in. I kind of feel guilty about this one because I believed George Bush when he said there were WMDs there and went in and destroyed Jabouri’s country looking for them. I can understand his desire to get out of Iraq. Who wouldn’t if they had $12 million hidden in a duffle bag somewhere. His terse message kind of underscores his personal danger. I will do everything I can to help him and his family. It’s only fair.

Dear Friend, I am William Hagler, I am in keen need of a credible private individual,organization or a reliable company that can handle and invest on my behalf the sum of $30 Million US Dollars.If you are interested to work with me in good faith and honesty feel free to contact me via this my personal Email …

Sorry, I am not going to give out the email address for this one because you might take advantage of William’s offer. Besides, I am a credible person, I am able to direct his investments, and I work in good faith and complete honesty. I can think of a lot of good investments right now to handle for William. Mostly they are “green” investment opportunities that are inundating my email inbox. Think of the good works I can accomplish while at the same time make good money for Mr. Hagler. I am humbled by his trust. You see what writing a well thought out economics blog can do for you!

I am aware that the Internet has become very unsafe, but considering the situation I have no option than to seek for foreign partnership through this medium. For security reasons I will not disclose my Identity until I am fully convinced you are the right person for this business deal. I have access to very vital information that can be used to move a huge amount of money to a secured account outside United Kingdom We can meet in any of these locations Dubai, Spain, UK, Canada. or South Africa. Full details /modalities will be disclosed on your expression of Interest to partner with me. I am open for negotiation importantly the funds to be transferred have nothing to do with drugs, terrorism or Money laundering. Thanks for your anticipated corporation. Paul Martel

Now this really appeals to me because of Paul Martel’s abundant caution in approaching this matter. There is also a whiff of danger and mystery in his situation which intrigues me. You may think I am the kind of person who would take advantage of Paul’s plight. Just because there may be some “issues” involved with these funds, doesn’t mean I would be unfair to him. Perhaps I can arrange to meet him in Dubai since I haven’t been there. Since it doesn’t seem to involve anything illegal, there could be a real solid reward here. I also like Paul’s name. “Martel” has kind of a familiar ring to it which makes me want to trust him. I’m no fool, but this is just too tempting to pass up. I hope there is not too much money involved because I’m going to be very busy with all these other good projects that have come my way.

It has been a great week, folks. Just how much luck can one man have?