Attention Judgement Day Zealots

UPDATE

May 23, 2011: 9:54 p.m. as this is written

News Flash! Harold Camping says it happened but it was an “invisible” event.

We had all of our dates correct,” Camping insisted, clarifying that he now understands that Christ’s May 21 arrival was “a spiritual coming” ushering in the last five months before the final judgment and destruction. …

“It wont be spiritual on October 21st,” Camping said, adding, “the world is going to be destroyed all together, but it will be very quick.”

The epistemologically-challenged Mr. Camping says his teachings haven’t changed. He seems to have missed a lot that has happened since Aristotle invented logic 2,400 years ago. One could say that his philosophy of thinking probably stopped at the level reached 10,000 years ago by his forbearers.

UPDATE

May 23, 2011: 12:54 a.m. as this is written

Mr. Camping has announced that he will make a statement later today on why his prophesy was wrong. According to a doorstep interview with the San Francisco Chronicle he said, ”It has been a really tough weekend.” That’s a pretty major understatement for this false prophet.

I have a suggestion for Mr. Camping. He should repay all those donations to his ministry to support his message of doomsday. And he should make whole his followers who, thanks to him, spent all their money while waiting around for the rapture and now face a personal economic doomsday. He should put his radio stations on the market, estimated to be worth $120 million, sell them off, and do good works for a change. It’s only fair and moral. I am sure Jesus would agree.

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UPDATE

May 22, 2011: 12:22 p.m. as this is written

We survived here on the edge of the continent. There is no word yet from Harold Camping. But his web site is up and they are broadcasting Christian music. The link to accept donations still works, which, considering their beliefs is a bit weird. But, I have a new theory on this. Perhaps I have been raptured, but nothing has changed because I’m already in Paradise. We call it Santa Barbara out here. Sorry. I am disappointed with Harold. I read that some woman in Lancaster tried to murder her children and commit suicide a few days before the Big Event in order to avoid the horrors of the End of Time. She’s in jail. Kids are OK.

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UPDATE

May 21, 2011: 11:08 a.m. as this is written

It’s still not 6:00 P.M. here on the West Coast, so there is still hope that Harold Camping will be right. But … Tokyo and Beijing made it. Moscow, London, and Paris made it. My theory: all the sinners are here on the edge of the Pacific Ocean and as the big clock in the sky ticks onward, the earthquakes will start at 6:00 here. Or maybe it will be the Hawaiians. Lot’s of sin over there.

The funny thing is that Camping’s web site is not responding (Family Radio) nor are his radio stations. Has he gone into hiding? Maybe he just disappeared in the “Rapture.”  It’s going to be fun to hear what he has to say.

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May 20, 2011

In case you believe tomorrow is Judgement Day, as radio preacher Harold Camping predicts, then let me take away any burdens you may leave behind, like that stupid, dusty old useless gold you may have laying around. I mean, who needs gold after the Rapture?

I notice that Harold has a gold wedding band. Please send me all your wedding bands, but please post before 11:59:59 tonight.

The sad truth is that his followers believe this and some have quit their jobs, sold off their worldly possession to wait for the end of time. I’ll bet tomorrow Camping says he made a math error.